October 10, 2020

 I woke up this morning actually hungry and I was running late so I just grabbed an individual package of fig newtons which I know one pack is only 200 cal in the protein is very low. It’s only 2 g. I didn’t think about anything when I ate it I was just hungry so I guess I was just feeding my body which I think is a good thing then I think on the flipside there was probably better things. I could’ve eat this after the fact and then of course I’m drinking my coffee, which makes me happy. 

I never thought about all the feelings that I have regarding food, it is hard on my psyche.  I guess I heard the noises but I never thought about them now I’m having to think about them and journal. It’s heavy on a Person soul but here goes. I had to run out to pick up a prescription on my way back. I passed Taco Bell and I thought in my head should I stop at Taco Bell? Should I get a chicken bowl? I was justifying that it’s vegetables and it’s meat and then I was telling myself no I shouldn’t do that. I shouldn’t spend money. It is kind of fattening. I have food at home I was able to pass it and what was I thinking? I was thinking instant gratification I could instantly eat mouth watering item that I really really like and I know it’s just instant gratification. It makes me feel kinda high as the best way to explain it, but I was able to drive past there and told myself that I was still going to nourish my body. I was still gonna give myself permission to eat, but what I had to eat was gonna be at home and so I made my I heated up an egg bite two turkey sausages, a pickle and a mini cheese. I felt like I was really hungry and I scarfed it down. I enjoyed every bite and I didn’t have another thought and now I’m going to get another cup of coffee. 

for supper, I practiced eating one thing my husband went to McDonald’s and I ordered a quarter pounder with cheese hamburger that’s all I ate. We were talking about some stuff so I didn’t get a chance to even think about what I was feeling, but I know it did taste really good.