sunday october 26

 egg and mini bagel with butter 

walk

sausage jerky 

8 oz bowl with tablespoons of chicken salad and mediterranean kale pasta

2 Street tacos with cheese, mustard, and turkey and three slices of tomato

grapes 

pretzels 

saturday october 25, 2025

 I can feel that I’m exhausted working on getting the Westland house ready to move in normal life here in South Carolina and working. I slept in until almost noon.

Conrad made me a mini everything bagel with some butter at 1 o’clock. I rolled out of bed and had a cup of coffee.

at 1:30 Conrad gave me a plate with pasta salad and a buffalo chicken roll up from Sam’s Club. It was just a small slice and a pickle.

4:24 pm ate mcdonald fries full

7:50 pm ate big mac

Friday, October 24, 2025

 I think this new medicine makes me really sleepy. The only reason I’m eating’ cause I’m thinking it’s gonna help me not be sleepy. Maybe who knows

eating 1139am 150 cal natural Valley cinnamon brown sugar, breakfast bar

I did not eat again until 6 o’clock at night. I had a group of ladies over for girls night and we got Mexican and watched old Whitney Houston movie, waiting to exhale.

I ordered a chicken steak and shrimp burrito. It was enormous. I just picked. It was called half and I just picked the insides out and ate it with tortilla chips. I give the other half to my cousin and then my friend made guacamole and I ate the guacamole how was I feeling? I was looking around watching people watching me eat which Mimi disengage from eating as much I was enjoying the food but had a lot of mixed emotions then I had a small piece of cheesecake and then I felt the binge eating coming out. I wanted more but there’s no way I was gonna eat more with everyone around right 

so there was this four piece container of small slices of cheesecake when everyone left I grabbed the container and I ate three pieces quickly. I wasn’t even completely enjoying the bites and I was disappointed and mad at myself, but I didn’t stop. It’s definitely it’s like a high feeling, but I told myself tomorrow’s a new day. 

Wednesday, October 22

 OK, it’s 730am . I heated up an individual cup of maple brown sugar oatmeal it’s 220 cal 10 g of protein. It’s very weird eating when I’m not hungry at all, but I’m nourishing my body.

OK, it’s 10:08am. I’m eating Chobani flip Keylime crumble yogurt. No I’m not a huge yogurt and it’s OK. It’s 160 cal 9 g of protein.

i walked around the block 

eating pretzels and laughing cow and sausage sticks and grapes 

individually cereal lucky charms 

crazy busy day didn’t think much other than i need to eat lolindividual fig nut one 200 calories 

Tuesday, October 21

 

Overwhelmed but Taking Small Steps

Today I felt extremely overwhelmed just thinking about food — even the idea of planning six small items to eat made my chest tighten. So instead of letting that feeling spiral, I decided to take one small, simple step.

I packed a few things into a little lunch bag and brought it upstairs to my office. I told myself I don’t have to eat everything. I can just start somewhere.

Right now, while I’m in a meeting, I’m eating some dry Frosted Mini Wheats — no milk, just a handful at a time. I’m giving myself 15 minutes, then I’ll put it away.

It’s not about perfection. It’s about progress — choosing to nourish myself even when my mind feels loud and anxious.

so 15 minutes have gone by I ate half the little individual package. The funny thing is I felt good this stresses. The anxiety has gone away that I don’t have to eat the whole thing I ate what I could I actually enjoyed it and I’m gonna put it away for later.

second food  I ate the other half of the cereal. I ate it during a meeting, but I ate it within 15 minutes. I didn’t feel anxious at all.

It’s 12:41 PM I’m eating and I am eating a bowl of rice with green Verde sauce and chicken and some cheese and fat-free sour cream on it. I’m eating it because I like this dish and I deserve to nourish my body.

4 th time shameless snacks sugar free gummies 

red grapes 

individual cereal, frosted flakes and skim milk

Monday, October 20

 

The Positive Wins: Nourishing My Body with Intention

Today is Monday, October 20. I made a commitment to myself — every day at 9:30, I’m going to eat breakfast or something to nourish my body. It’s now 9:45, and the truth is, I’m not hungry. I’m not even thinking about food.

But here’s the thing — I did commit to nourishing my body. There’s nothing wrong with eating food.

In the back of my mind, I still hear that old voice whispering, “Don’t eat. Eat less. Fewer calories means more weight loss.” But my new way of thinking is different. I’m learning to build a better relationship with food. I’m learning that food isn’t the enemy — it’s fuel, it’s care, it’s part of how I show love to myself.

So even when I’m not hungry, I can choose to eat something gentle and nourishing — because I want my body to feel supported, balanced, and alive.

This is the shift. The positive wins.

Every time I choose nourishment over restriction, I’m choosing healing. I’m choosing me.

kodiak oatmeal per cup Maple and brown sugar 14 g of protein 230 cal 38 g of carbs 12 g of sugar

Nourishing My Body Even When I’m Not Hungry

It’s 12:30, and I’m sitting down for lunch. The truth is, I’m not hungry—not even a little bit. My mind wants to argue about whether I should eat, but I’m choosing to do it anyway.

I packed a simple meal: half an Italian sandwich, a couple of tablespoons of coleslaw, some pickles, and a few barbecue ham-flavored potato chips. Nothing fancy—just food I enjoy.

I’m not eating because of hunger; I’m eating because my body deserves nourishment. It’s rare for me to eat when I’m not hungry, but I’m learning that food isn’t the enemy. Food is good. It’s not bad for me.

I deserve to eat. I deserve to take care of myself. Loving my body means feeding it, even on the days when my appetite disappears. So that’s what I’m doing—unplugging from the noise, honoring my body, and reminding myself that nourishment is an act of self-love.

🕓 Monday, October 20 — Afternoon Reflection

It’s 1:42 PM, and I just finished my lunch. It feels strange sometimes to chew and eat when I’m not really hungry. My mind keeps saying I don’t need it, but I’m choosing to nourish my body anyway.

I finished everything I packed, and then I looked at my little bag of barbecue chips — my favorite. I wasn’t hungry, but I poured the rest into my bowl and started munching. Not because I needed food, but because I was stressed. The Internet has been painfully slow today, and there are AWS issues everywhere. It’s been dragging on, and I think I just needed something to do with that frustration.

I’m realizing that sometimes I reach for food not out of hunger, but out of stress or habit. And that’s okay — I’m learning to notice it. The awareness itself is a big step. Today, I just wrote it down instead of judging myself.

Sunday, October 19

 Sunday Morning Reflections ☀️

Today I got up at 7 a.m., enjoyed a cup of coffee, and got ready for church. I was back home by 10:30, feeling peaceful and grounded. Even though I wasn’t really hungry, I made myself a simple, nourishing meal — an egg with some spinach and a few fried potatoes — just to give my body what it needed.

Dinner Nourishment Moment

I wasn’t really hungry tonight, but I knew my body still needed nourishment. I cooked up two small chicken thighs, pan-fried them until they were golden, then chopped them up. I warmed a package of jasmine rice, added a little cheese, some verde sauce, and a touch of hot sauce—just enough for flavor. I made three small street tacos, carefully spooning about a tablespoon of filling into each one, making sure to include a bit of chicken, cheese, and rice. It felt good to take the time to prepare something warm and balanced, even when I wasn’t feeling hungry—just taking care of my body with intention.

Dinner Nourishment Moment

I wasn’t really hungry tonight, but I knew my body still needed nourishment. I cooked up two small chicken thighs, pan-fried them until they were golden, then chopped them up. I warmed a package of jasmine rice, added a little cheese, some verde sauce, and a touch of hot sauce—just enough for flavor. I made three small street tacos, carefully spooning about a tablespoon of filling into each one, making sure to include a bit of chicken, cheese, and rice. It felt good to take the time to prepare something warm and balanced, even when I wasn’t feeling hungry—just taking care of my body with intention.

i cut up strawberries and grapes and bagged them to grab for the week 

i meal prepped for the day in the office breakfast and lunch

Friday, October 17, 2025

 Friday, October 17

I started the day early, getting up at 5:45 AM for a short walk around the block before showering and getting ready for our trip to the Columbia Zoo. On the way, we stopped at McDonald’s where I had an egg and sausage McMuffin, Diet Coke, and coffee. I wasn’t really hungry and it took me about two hours to finish it—mostly just felt tired rather than hungry or full.

Around 11 a.m. at the park, we split a pretzel with cheese and another Diet Coke. Later, when we left around 2 p.m., we ate the ham and Swiss sandwiches on Hawaiian rolls that we’d packed, along with pickles and a small bag of pretzels. Again, I didn’t feel much emotionally—just ate so I wouldn’t get hungry later. I didn’t particularly enjoy it, but it felt fine and helped prevent me from feeling starved or getting a headache later in the day.

The best news of the day was finding out that the prescription Amanda recommended was approved by insurance and is being filled at CVS. I’m really grateful for that.

for supper, I had two pieces of cheese and pepperoni pizza, a portion of Greek salad and four slices of some chocolate chip cookie pie.  I am trying to continuously tell myself that food is good. I am entitled to nourish my body. It is OK to eat and I actually enjoyed this meal and in every bite I enjoyed except I felt guilty. I should’ve just had two slices the slices I should’ve just had two pieces of the cookie pie and I had four I did feel guilty but other than that I enjoyed the meal.

Thursday, October 16, 2025

 Journal Entry – October 16

This morning started with a really positive conversation with my doctor about the medication Amanda mentioned. She was completely fine writing the prescription, and we had a good discussion about healthy habits. One key takeaway for me was to establish scheduled meal times and avoid eating in my car. I think this will really help me and my family, and I’m planning to focus on that over the next few weeks.

Around 10 a.m., I had breakfast — two turkey sausages, a pickle, a small everything bagel, and an energy drink. My husband made me eggs with garlic and fresh spinach. I felt good while eating, although I noticed that familiar voice in my head saying, “You’re eating too much.” I reminded myself of Amanda’s words: Food is good. You have the right to nourish your body and enjoy your meal.

I want to start meal-prepping smaller portions so I can be more intentional — practicing intuitive eating while still being aware of how much food I’m having. When I eat too much, I don’t feel good physically or emotionally.

Journal Entry – Reflection on Food and Emotions

Today I realized that when I talk or think too much about food, I start to feel very anxious and overwhelmed. My mind doesn’t shut off, and that leads me to eat quickly and without enjoyment.

This morning I had a large breakfast and later ordered a big bowl of vegetables with chicken, rice, and a chocolate chip cookie. I didn’t enjoy the food — I just scarfed it down. I ended up throwing part of it away so I wouldn’t go back and eat more. Afterward, I felt disappointed and physically uncomfortable.

I understand that my overeating came from feeling overwhelmed by all the food conversations lately — with my doctor, my husband, and even planning upcoming events. My doctor suggested having set meal times, which might help bring more structure and reduce anxiety.

Even though I’m frustrated, I also recognize this as part of my learning process. I know there will be days like this, and instead of being angry, I’m trying to focus on awareness, self-compassion, and starting fresh for the rest of the day. I want to learn better ways to handle the anxiety that comes up when food becomes the main focus.

Key insight: I’m learning to recognize my triggers, be aware of my actions, and remind myself that setbacks don’t erase progress — they’re part of the journey.

Tuesday, October 14, 2025

 i’m looking at my work calendar and I have back to back meetings. I have the dryer vent man coming here to clean my dryer out so I have to wait for him while I’m on a WebEx call to let him in. I’ve had my coffee and I grabbed a 200 cal individual fig newton that I just ate because I felt hungry. I didn’t think anything else. 

eating why?  lol concerned i can’t break away till much later.. wasting 1 egg, turkey sausage and small mini bagel with butter and 3 grapes

Monday, October 13, 2025

 crazy busy day didn’t have a lot of time to think but I noticed around 9:10 AM. I was hungry so I ate 100 cal bar. I break it up into four pieces so I feel like there’s more there and then I’m satisfied then still in Webex meetings most of the day so again I’m wanting that instant gratification so I order a one bagel sandwich with cream cheese, onion, and turkey on it. I felt incredibly guilty because I know there’s a lot of calories in it but then I felt very happy as I ate it. It tasted so good. I could only eat half and then I had to. I ate the other half later not because I was hungry. I felt like it was just there it took me a long time to eat it a few hours because it’s so much food, but I felt it was just delicious. The taste of the everything bagel and it was toasted in the cream cheese with the onion in the turkey just taste so good to me. I know the small moments that make me very happy and then for supper I ate about 6 PM and it was just a bowl of cabbage soup that I make I make it with bloody Mary mix and chicken broth and then turkey sausage and garlic and cabbage and then about 8 o’clock. I had an individual cup of Cheerios and skim milk and I didn’t really think anything other than I just wanted it. I don’t even know if I was hungry. OK I’m updated 

Sunday october 12

 so behind work, I had to put in about five hours. I had coffee and 200 cal fig Newton individual package then I had some carrot slices with a little cheese cube. Then later I ate an individual bowl of fruity pebbles and skim milk. Then I ate my bowl of leftover pork verdi and some rice.i felt nothing.. just ate lol

Saturday october 11

 Saturday we went to a Mexican restaurant I had chili pork Verde and rice. I ate two tacos and didn’t think anything I ate with my husband. I didn’t eat again until 11 at night and I had probably 2 cups of macaroni and cheese and barbecue chips I was feeling hungry and then I felt guilty

October 10, 2020

 I woke up this morning actually hungry and I was running late so I just grabbed an individual package of fig newtons which I know one pack is only 200 cal in the protein is very low. It’s only 2 g. I didn’t think about anything when I ate it I was just hungry so I guess I was just feeding my body which I think is a good thing then I think on the flipside there was probably better things. I could’ve eat this after the fact and then of course I’m drinking my coffee, which makes me happy. 

I never thought about all the feelings that I have regarding food, it is hard on my psyche.  I guess I heard the noises but I never thought about them now I’m having to think about them and journal. It’s heavy on a Person soul but here goes. I had to run out to pick up a prescription on my way back. I passed Taco Bell and I thought in my head should I stop at Taco Bell? Should I get a chicken bowl? I was justifying that it’s vegetables and it’s meat and then I was telling myself no I shouldn’t do that. I shouldn’t spend money. It is kind of fattening. I have food at home I was able to pass it and what was I thinking? I was thinking instant gratification I could instantly eat mouth watering item that I really really like and I know it’s just instant gratification. It makes me feel kinda high as the best way to explain it, but I was able to drive past there and told myself that I was still going to nourish my body. I was still gonna give myself permission to eat, but what I had to eat was gonna be at home and so I made my I heated up an egg bite two turkey sausages, a pickle and a mini cheese. I felt like I was really hungry and I scarfed it down. I enjoyed every bite and I didn’t have another thought and now I’m going to get another cup of coffee. 

for supper, I practiced eating one thing my husband went to McDonald’s and I ordered a quarter pounder with cheese hamburger that’s all I ate. We were talking about some stuff so I didn’t get a chance to even think about what I was feeling, but I know it did taste really good.

October 7, 2025

 So I get off the phone with Amanda and feel like my endorphins are high. I wasn’t hungry, but I chose to eat and not feel guilty. I grabbed an egg bite two beef jerky, a little baby mini cheese and a pickle. I put them in a bowl and I brought them in the room with me where my husband was and all of a sudden I felt guilt and I still ate it. Why did I feel guilt? I just feel like he’s gonna be disappointed because I had gained 15 pounds. but I sat and enjoyed my meal, enjoying the taste of my goat cheese that was in my egg bite, but I did end up. I did tell myself that I was allowed to eat this, but I did feel ashamed eating it thinking it was too late I shouldn’t have ate. I’m disappointing my husband. This might put weight on me, but these are all the things i was thinking 

October 9, 2025

 OK, Thursday, October 9 I finally got. I think I was hungry. I don’t know if I’m hungry. I’m just thinking about food. It was 9:30 AM. I finally went downstairs at 10 AM and ended up eating a egg bite that just had a little bit of Coach cheese in it two turkey sausages, a pickle and a mini little cheese when I ate it I actually felt hungry and happy then about 1 o’clock. I think I felt hungry and I was very overwhelmed because I knew I had meetings back to back until 430 and it’s like I could go downstairs and make myself a turkey wrap but instead I get anxious and I ordered a toasted bagel with butter and a small chicken apple salad from Panera I ate it and it tasted like heaven. I enjoyed it thoroughly but then I felt guilty because I knew we were going to go out to eat tonight, but I told myself it was OK. The food was not bad. It’s only like I don’t remember how many calories then for supper we met up at a winery with each had a drink. We ate off a charcuterie board, which had a really small portion of pimento cheese, hummus, carrots, pickled asparagus, olives, smoked salmon, and salami then I was feeling happy and I thought I was still hungry and my husband said that he would split a burger and fries with me which he didn’t so I ate half the burger and was full and ate about 10 french fries and a Diet Coke. I felt guilty and ashamed I ate twice.